Being An Emotional Victim

None of us like to think of ourselves as victims

The term “victim” brings to mind a pathetic image of a powerless person. Therefore, It comes as a shock to most of us to realize how often we allow ourselves to be emotional victims. I know that many of us are victims much of the time without realizing it.

We are victims anytime we give another person the power to define our worth. We are victims anytime we make approval, sex, things, a substance, or an activity responsible for our feelings of happiness and lovability. We are victims anytime we blame another for our feelings of fear, anger, hurt, aloneness, jealousy, disappointment, and so on.

Whenever we choose to define ourselves externally, we are handing away power to others, and we then feel controlled by their choices.

When we choose to define ourselves internally through our connection with our spiritual Guidance, we move into personal power and personal responsibility. The moment we sincerely want to learn about our own intrinsic worth and what behavior is in our highest good, and we ask Spirit, we will receive answers. Most people do not realize how easy it is to receive answers from a spiritual Source. The answers will pop into your mind in words or pictures, or you will experience the answers through your feelings when your sincere desire is to learn.

We always have two choices: we can try to find our happiness, peace, safety, security, lovability and worth through people, things, activities, and substances; or we can feel joyful, peaceful, safe, secure, lovable and worthy through connection with a spiritual Source of love and compassion – taking loving care of ourselves and loving others.

Whenever we choose to find our happiness and safety through others, then we have to try to control them to give us what we want. Then, when they don’t come through for us in the way we hoped they would, we feel victimized by their choices.

Here is an example:

John and Jolene are in a continual power struggle over how to handle their children. Jolene tends to be authoritarian, while John is relatively permissive. When Joyce gets frustrated with John’s parenting, she generally yells at him about his permissiveness. John often listens to Jolene rant and rave at him. Sometimes she goes on for over an hour, and he just listens. Then, when he tries to talk with her, she refuses to listen. John then feels victimized, complaining about how Joyce yells at him and refuses to listen to him.

When you would ask him why he sits and listens to Jolene, he would say that he hoped if he listened to her, she would listen to him. Would she ever listen during these conflicts, and the answer is “No.”

“Why did he need her to listen to him?”

“He wants to explain to her why he did what he did with the children.”

“Why does he need to explain it to her?”

“So she won’t be mad at him.”

John allows himself to be yelled at by Jolene as his way of trying to control Jolene, hoping to get her to approve of him. Then he tried to explain to further control how she feels about him. When she doesn't listen, he feels victimized by her yelling, blaming her for being such an angry, controlling person.

If John were willing to take responsibility for approving of himself through his connection with his Higher Power, he would not listen to Jolene when she was yelling at him. Instead, he would set a limit against being yelled at, stating that he would listen to her only when she spoke to him with respect and only when she was open to learning with him. But as long as she has to approve of him for him to feel secure or worthy, he will not set this limit. Until John opens to his spiritual Guidance for his security and worth, instead of handing this job to Jolene, he will be a victim of her unloving behavior.

Taking responsibility for our own feelings of worth and lovability through developing our spiritual connection, instead of giving that job to others, moves us out of being victims and into personal power.

Taking responsibility for our own feelings of worth and lovability through developing our spiritual connection, instead of giving that job to others, moves us out of being victims and into personal power.

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